I didn’t really know what to say to him – the last time we’d been together was that day a couple of years ago when he just turned up out of the blue…“So, how have you been?” Well, it was a valid question…
He looked sideways at me. “I’ve been surviving.” He said cryptically, “What about you?”
Without really thinking I answered him honestly – it’s the only way I know how – and my shrink doesn’t seem to think it’s a real problem anyway… “I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist.”
He did a double take; his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open – he reacted in exactly the way I expected him to – no one thinks a fifteen year old girl should be seeing a shrink… Then again, most people think thirteen year old girls shouldn’t be having sex with multiple partners – and they’d be right – and that’s why I see the psychiatrist…
“Uh, right,” He finally managed; nodding his head and pretending to be comfortable about the conversation, “And how’s that going for you?”
I grinned, “Nice recovery,” I murmured, “It’s going really well; my counsellor is really nice, her name is Hilary and she just asks me questions that make me think and I talk and that’s it really…”
“How does that help?” He sat down opposite me in a booth and stared at me in confusion.
I stared back; not because I had to – but just because he’s the most beautiful person on the planet and I can’t help it. “I get to question why I did the stuff I did – and I get to see why the choices I made weren’t good for me and I get to see where I can make better choices in the future…” I shrugged.
He nodded, looking impressed. “Well, you seem like you’re in a pretty good place right now.”
“I am,” I beamed at him, “Well, let’s say it’s a much better place that I was a couple of years ago anyway.”
The waitress came over, “What’ll it be, kids?”
I checked the menu and chose a strawberry milkshake. Dead original, I know… Seb had a chocolate one and we sat and talked for ages – well, I did – he just sat with a little contented smile on his face, listening to me for the most part – he asked a few questions too here and there.
“So what else does she do?” He asked, looking as though he was really interested.
I shrugged, “She kind of makes me challenge myself and I also have to write a journal and take it with me.”
He frowned, “How does that work?”
I smiled, “I have to set myself a challenge a week at the moment – I used to have to do a challenge a day – I’m improving apparently!” I rolled my eyes, making him smile. “So, my challenge this week was to do something that I was afraid of.” I looked up at him.
“What are you afraid of?” He raised his eyebrows questioningly, his eyes boring into mine making him look really intense – and really handsome. I glanced at his lips. Oh God I wanted to kiss him. He’d asked me a question though…
I looked back up into his eyes, “I’m afraid of having a relationship with someone without sex getting in the way.” I answered truthfully.
His jaw dropped again. He hadn’t been expecting that answer… “Well, don’t you have that sort of relationship with Ben?” he asked, looking puzzled and surprising me.
I nodded, “Yes.”
“So why aren’t you afraid with him?”
“I’m not afraid of Ben because I’m not attracted to him that way. But I’m really attracted to you and I want to do things with you that are not healthy for me in my present state of mind.” Have I mentioned that I have no filter? Yeah – it’s a problem – maybe I should make that my next challenge…
He nodded, going very red. “Yeah, well – I totally get that – me too.”
Carly and Sebastian on their first date.... coming soon